So I turned thirty in March! I have been married for almost eight years, and have been a mother for the past six, pregnant with my first at twenty three. Just writing that makes me tired!
Seems like there are a lot of choices to make lately, but really we have to stay where we are at and keep puttering along. We are in this place that we can't really move from, not getting ahead, but not really fall behind, just barely making it. So frustrating. The island is lovely, we love our friends and Jack's school and how safe it is, and the beauty of it. But oh, it is so expensive here, I am sick of renting, having no yard, missing my family...whiny whine whine.
I hate whining, so I will stop now. We are very lucky that we have the health care we have here, that we haven't had to worry about medical bills. That I can drop into the open clinic or emergency in the middle of the night when Jack is having an asthma attack and not have to debate whether or not to because of restrictive costs. I just wish that this weight of guilt/feelings of not giving my kids enough would go away so I could enjoy my kids more. And believe me I am not a "stuff" person, I am not wanting a new tv or computer or new shoes. I just want a house with a yard and some feeling of being rooted to somewhere and something(s). To people.
Sylvia will be in kindergarten in a couple short years (must enjoy the years, they go by much too fast!) and I know that is when I will be able to go back to work/school full-time and that will be the turn around. In the meantime I want to learn how to let go of this lump sitting in my throat and these wrinkles between my eyes. My kids are pretty amazing. I can brag on here, right? I mean I take these kids places, and let me tell you, people fall in love with these kids. They are that awesome.
(Taken at the lovely Joyce's in Nanaimo, I do have some pretty great people here.)